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Shortcut to J

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Few days ago, while driving in casa, I stopped at a red light, looking around for the “pretty sight” that casa has become right in my left corner I noticed a building, a small one and looked like a preschool then there was some big pilled square in a horizontal and each square contened a letter of alphabet, A,B,C….all the way until J, thought I noticed that they took a shortcut to get to J. I am not going to comment any further on this, look at the picture I took, I couldnt help not taking one……. wonder why the education system is fucked up…..

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Flipped bucket

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Guys! when someone tells you “I know a good hammam where you can go to” you have to got to check it out!! take it from me, either you will really enjoy it or will have the craziest experience of your life….

But when my dad tells you “I know a hammam where you can go” do not go there! and I will tell you why but do not try this at home you may get hurt!!

Every Monday I hear ” woaw, the hammam is great! empty and clean, you really should check it out, you will like it” hearing this everytime and me being a hammam fan (not any hammam) one day I told myself let’s check it out, it’s close, probably cheap!! WHY NOT??

Stepping out of my car with all my gears, ready and happy to get rid of my dead skin, I noticed that people pay outside, some sort of a cage, where there is only room for money to pass through….I take a look inside the cage from outside of course as it was hard to see who was in there!! I noticed a woman on the floor, on her knees making “mssemen”…..this is what I should work on in my life: when I see red flags I always get curious! instead of getting the hell out of there Istick around but if I run away there wil be no blog!!!

The woman stood up with difficulties, I hand her the money, I am glad I only gave her the exact amount of money for the hammam otherwise I would have to deal with oily change that smell like Mssemen!!

Never mind, I walked inside the hammam, got rid of most of my clothes and stepped in, as everyone knows: Typical Moroccan hammams have 3 chambers! cold, warm and hot: this one was the same except that it was cold, cold and cold. it was not really that clean so I told myself let’s just suck it up and make it fast…. reaching the second room there was “something” on the floor washing himself…..yes I did say something! why? well it was a very old weird black man laying in a very weird way and COMPLETELY naked, on the open in front of everyone, something unusual to Moroccan customs, it was soo weird because for a second I though he had 3 legs but I was wrong it was his huge genital laying next to him, it was soo huge that if I was the owner of the Hammam I would have forced him to pay an extra person fee before he gets in to the bath, I didnt even know they come in that size….ANYWAYS.

As soon as I walked by the old man; he lift his both arms and made these weird sound “blawnblawnblawn” It was like some sorte of horror movie or more like a black seal, let’s just say it was not a pretty sight. I ignored him went to the 3rd cold room and flipped my bucked as there is no way in hell I am sitting on the floor, not after what I saw.

Sitting on the flipped Bucked, admiring the walls, I noticed I am starting to get the chill…I thought maybe the big door in the first “cold” room is open, I volunteered to go check it out. Passing by, the old black dude, he looked at me and AGAIN lift his arms and made that same weird noise “blawnblawnblawn” Ignored him for the second time looking to the other direction, got to the first room and noticed that the door was actually closed and there was no way for that door to stay open as they have a rope hanging from above the door and at the end of it a big cement brick hanging making a pressure down keeping the door from staying open.

Ok the door is locked, there is only one explanation! the hammam sucks! walking back to the 3rd room, I keep forgetting about “blawnblawnblawn” because he did for the 3rd times, and I got pissed and lost control! “what the fuck do you want?” he pointed at the buckets, I ignored him because of his 3rd leg, I really didnt want to be standing too much in front of him, so I walked away to go sit on my trone: The flipped bucked.

Ok what’s about to come next is just beyond what I have expected. sitting and waiting for some kind of miracle that can turn the room into a hot room, looking at the walls; I turned my face to the left and THERE: A guy around his 50’s sitting naked on the floor, his legs wide open, shaving his pubic hair with a razor! that was it! the last drop of patience was gone, the guy was doing it so fast that I thought it was a new way of committing a suicide, either it was that or the guy is an expert in shaving pubic hair, it was actually impressive of how fast he was doing it, other than that he was rinsing his razor in a plastic boll and the shaved residue had a long way before end up in the drain. I couldn’t stay there anymore, I picked my flipped bucked and gear and got the hell out of there! it was a total of 15 or 20 minutes max in there.

Was very pissed because I needed a hammam but didnt have one, the car was warmer than the hammam. Went back home and told my dad “please don’t share your hammam experience with me anymore”

End up taking a shower at home until one day someone else told me “”I know a good hammam where you can go to” this time it was my sister. As I said before, I went to check it out and something else happened there but will divulge it in another post, I dont want to traumatise you more than this.

So if you guys are looking for a good hammam “”I know a good hammam where you can go to”.

Piss and Love

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It took me an entire year to get to today’s post….OK let me explain myself!! One year ago I went to Mawazine it was the last day of the event, Sting was performing! how in the hell would miss that, so I decided to go with a very good company (My sister, her husband, two of their kids and two other nephews) so watching Sting Live with family can’t get any better than that. it was a blast or at least what I have expected.

And what made it even better! it was a free concert…second thought I am not sure if it’s a good thing when you realize who is standing next to you, specialy when it’s 7 dudes mid-30’s 40’s drinking alcohool and smoking 420!! and yes you can google it, that’s what I did whe I heard that expression the first time.

Back to our drunk Sting fans, we start to feel uncofortable around these guys and we made the mistake to not move away from them, assuming that we are not the ones doing something wrong, specially that there was other families there….

Next thing I know my sister grabbed me and told me “get out of there” as I was creating some kind a shield protecting my nephews from those bastards, my sister whispered into my ears that one of them got his penis out in between of the thousands of people and start peeing, so I was one of the “Lucky” ones who got few drops on his shoes….

I was traumatised, I couldnt pick a fight I had 4 kids and my sister with me, I was very upset and went to look for a “cop” you know the guy that is supposed to protect any moroccan citizen (notice the small cap); after telling him the issue he was choked and paged his boss (COMISSAIRE) the guy came to me and after hearing the story and asking him to do something about it as the 7 mercenaries drinking alcohool and peeing in public, the “comissaire” told me “go fuck yourself” and left………that’s it there is nothing else I can add. This story ends right here and I called it “PISS and LOVE”

I am glad I let it out of my chest…

McFight

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In “Casa” visiting my sister her husband and nephews, it’s always a blast to see them and they are always excited to see me as well, the week is over I decided to take my nephews for a little treat specially that one of them had a little craving for McDonald, have no problem with that as long as I don’t get any for myself….
Anyways, as I said before, I was very lucky with parking, walked into the fast food then some kind of argue was happening, OK from what I understood a couple was sitting in a booth and their boy who was around 5 hit another little girl probably the same age, so the girls mom went to complain about a 5 year old boy, so the Mc manager was trying to calm the woman down, walked by them then I stood by the line waiting for my turn to order food and heard the boy’s dad with a different version of the story which is: the lady walked to him and told him “watch your kids he hit my girl and you should educate him better” and he also said “that’s just kids and they don’t understand and please don’t talk to me like that.”

5 minutes later I thought everything went back to normal, but the mom’s girl came back to the charge with more sarcastic comments with her sister by her side and the boys dad was unhappy and start cursing next thing you know the boy’s mom grabbed her french fries and threw them on the ladies’s face, ohhhh man, then the girls mom’s mother came to intervene and it was a sad sight to watch, fries and hands and kicking with legs, it was a Rotana cat fight (Rotana is referred to “religious woman” wearing a veil) the man didn’t hit anyone and I respect him for that, but what he tried to do is to call the cops cause he was very harassed by the little girls family (hope you are following with me) so what stroke me most is this, while the guy was trying to call the cops the little girl’s mom was telling him “go ahead asshole call the cops you can get anything from me “ I have a french citizenship” …..WTF is that suppose to mean, can you imagine if any Moroccan with dual citizenship is allowed to pick a fight specially like this one over silliness and get away with it because of his other citizenship, what’s citizenship has to do with all this?! unfortunately this is one of our mentalities, this is a real case of when things go wrong because to me it was really not necessary, a 5 year old kid start a nasty fight that ended up with a cup of coke all over this poor guy just standing at the wrong place at wrong time in McFight. What a shame….

After seeing this sad sight I rather be in a McDonald on 17th street in DC even if it’s infected with homeless at least they don’t throw food and drinks at you!

I gotta start carrying my camera with me!!!

Why?

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This post will be very short.

I just want to let everyone know that when you get internet access/Plan, you are not getting everything…les 40 voleurs (IAM) are introducing us to capitalism and monopolization, they have decided to block few ports so that you wouldn’t use voip phone calls, so those who work very hard over seas and use something like the MgicJack to call their family from there, Maroc telecom is telling you fuck you and fuck your family, you have decided to leave the country so be it and deal with it…..

The other thing is why is Morocco one of the very few countries that have the most expensive rate when it come phone calls? and the answer is in how we do business with each other, so just look at la RAM and you will understand.

Which reminds me about something I witnessed while flying RAM (long time ago because I don’t do that anymore), anyways I was sitting in those first two seats in coach section, it was an aisle seat and the curten that separates us from first class was slightly open  and there was no one in the first class except one of the staff was sitting in there taking a break or something and I was just looking around assuming that it was a long flight and you got to entertain yourself anyways, so that crew person was a male around mid 50’s and surprisingly he was doing some gold digging ( checking his nose for a Christmas gift) and he looked like he got a big one in there, fought very deep to get it, and yes he did, the prize was on one of his finger, I knew he was going to check if some one caught him in action….I closed my eyes just enough so that I reopen it and see what is he going to do with his Christmas gift and as I am typing that thing is under one of the first class seats, it’s like you have witnessed it yourself and I was shocked!!! paying many thousand dollars to sit on someone’s………..

It was not a short post after all! until next time.

Stories? Real or just a fact!?

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You hear stories here and there but you don’t know if they are real, fact or just stories….but when it comes from a credible source like real witnesses who could be a sister, mother or a friend then all what you can do is to just sit back and be amazed, and of course like what I have been hearing lately ” don’t try to understand my friend!!”

Sitting in a Women’s beauty salon waiting for my both sister’s manicures….(don’t ask me how I ended up in there!!!) Anyways it was there where I heard the story of now car mugger uses mice to make you get out of your car. As every Moroccan woman knows, once they get into their car it becomes their cell and the woman becomes a prisoner except that in this cell she is the one who lock herself in, why ? well because (specially in Casa) some primates decide to attack/mugg (al jinns ellatif) and take their cellphone, purse anything that can be sold so that they can what ever buy drogs/alcohool, I don’t know, who knows!

Ok here is how it goes, after few or let me say many muggings by opening your car door and grabbing whatever they can, women decided to lock themselves in their cell with wheels, and that made our robbers very unhappy so to strike back they have this brilliant idea of using one of their animal friends, so now we have primates chasing mice so that they can rob women!!! wow how low that can be….

Few years ago I was driving my dad’s car, stopped at the red light around noon in front of Lycee Moulay Youssef in Rabat, the traffic was crazy, and suddenly this kid (18-19 year old) open the passenger’s seat door and looked at me and said ” what time is it” I looked at him and said ” have no idea” and he closed the door and left running, didn’t take anything!? was it a diversion for someone else to make a move but no! nothing happened so I am not sure why no move was made, I am glad nothing happened but maybe he got scared, sometimes i don’t shave and likely look like a serial killer myself, maybe that was the case that day….

Go back to the Women’s beauty salon, one lady was telling the story of how she was locked in her moving cell and had the window slithly open and she made the mistake to stop at the red light, the guy managed to stick his both hands with a knife on her troath, didn’t hurt her though but scared the shit out of her, who is the winner in this?? she maybe lost all her personal belongings but at least she is still alive and at the beauty salon having a pedicure.

So ladies, when you get into your moving cell, stick with you air conditioner if you want a little breeze, assuming that summer time is around the corner, make sure your AC is working as well as your windows cause you want to make sure that it goes all the way up.

My point is not making Morocco look bad, I noticed that it’s getting bad everywhere, you could be shot a 100 yards from the white house, or in the safest neighborhood in DC, the thing is that it probably hurts more when these things happen in your country! maybe you can accept it when it happens somewhere else but when you you see your sister getting mugged by …….. it just hurts, the scariest part is what follows.

My sister walking out of bakery, she noticed this guys running toward her with two huge knives chased by a cop on his motorcycle, my sister run to her cell (car) and condemned herself to be locked until danger goes away, by the time she decided to get out of the parking spot the cop walked back his entire face in blood and crying…….
I know!!! No comment….

Wait it’s not over yet: few months later my sister was pulled over by a cop maybe for speeding I guess, and one conversation led to another and she told him about what she witnessed and the cop told her “ you know that cop! he had to spend some money from his own pocked to finish his treatment” from a job injury while trying to protect us, then the cop followed with, “hell no! I am not stopping any guy with a knife!!!”

Sleep tight everyone!!!! You are safe!!

Our hero

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Still going mild!! but I wanted to express few things I have seen today!!
Today was the ” Earth Day Network” La ville de Rabat, qui a été désignée comme « Ville Première » par l’organisation américaine « Earth Day Network » pour abriter les célébrations du 40ème anniversaire de la Journée de la Terre….
one of the event was a semi Marathon ” International semi-marathon de Rabat” not bad idea but the question is are we organized enough to manage these kind of events and specially using the word International to make it more credible or what ever they had in mind…I know you would like to find out more about it!! well just buckle up and ride with me, because as proud as I can be my nephew is a one of the runners, and I want to take this opportunity to tell him that I am very proud of him twice, 1- for being able to run in this semi-marathon and 2- for doing in some very shady conditions.

On the way to the Medina which is quiet far from where I live, my sisters and I saw these 2 guys chopping a tree from it’s roots, it was a very beautiful old short palm tree….  that poor tree is definitely not celebrating the Earth Day Network with us, someone had other plans for it, who knows probably ending up in public wooden hammam or probably in a corner of the street until it decomposes.

Still driving to the marathon! we realized that contestants are running between cars, WAIT!!! they didn’t make a special path where runners can pass safely? no they are actually running between buses cab driver and all the diesels…awful feeling cause we were among those cars and sometimes runners had to stop and wait for a red light then they could go on to get to the end…WOW

Stopping at the red light one runner was out of breath but at least he was trying to finish the race, he asked one of those responsible deployed everywhere for some water?! SORRY screamed the staff guy, no more water, the poor guy had around 10K to go….No comment or maybe someone has something to say about this madness.

When we got there, I tried to find a good spot so I can take good shots of my nephew finishing the race, while I was walking around, “THE HERO” (someone I don’t know) waved at me, I looked at this guy all in sweat on the ground, out of breath and was making signs with his hand pointing at my camera, I smiled and asked him ” are you asking me to take a photo of you” he said “yes”, he probably thought I was with the press and was very impressed with my professional Nikon, I was more than happy to do so BUT how I am going to get him the photos.

Conversation:
Me: yeah! sure I can take a picture of you.
Hero: thank you so much
Me: but how am I suppose to give them to you?
The hero was confused and didn’t understand, and he said: what do you mean?
Me: through the internet?
Hero: what do you mean?
Me: Internet, I can send it to you through email!
Hero: and what’s that?
Me: You don’t have an email address?
Hero: No
I knew at that moment that he is never going to see these pictures, so I told him “if you know anyone here, a friend or family who has an email I will be around for a while” I didn’t have a pen to give him mine and I am totally sure he wouldn’t have remembered it or my phone number, what follows will give you a hint of why I gave up, in the other hand I had to be ready for my nephew’s glorify arrival, GO NEPHEW!!!!

Lets go back to our Hero, why I called him my hero because he had made a good timing and what choked me and surprised me was his running shoes, I wouldn’t call them running shoes but maybe cheap/plastic surfing shoes!!Maybe!!  you can buy those shoes for….wait I am sorry I cant call them shoes anymore because they are just not, they are just fucking plastic or rubber something that you wear when you go to the beach and imagine running 21Km with that….our Hero thought of everything: SOCKS, white socks will keep his feet safe. I am proud of that guy too, despite poverty, bad organization, water issues and pollution issues he did it and with what? with two pieces of rubber/plastic. The Hero’s message to everyone is “no matter what the difficulties and obstacles in life that stops you from doing what you want it doesn’t matter how and with what you do it but JUST DO IT”, and he doesn’t need NIKE to make a point. BRAVO Hero!!!



I had to blur his face for copyright, people sue this time! so no he is not toothless it’s just that his dentist’s name is photoshop, but still he is a OUR HERO….