Guys! when someone tells you “I know a good hammam where you can go to” you have to got to check it out!! take it from me, either you will really enjoy it or will have the craziest experience of your life….
But when my dad tells you “I know a hammam where you can go” do not go there! and I will tell you why but do not try this at home you may get hurt!!
Every Monday I hear ” woaw, the hammam is great! empty and clean, you really should check it out, you will like it” hearing this everytime and me being a hammam fan (not any hammam) one day I told myself let’s check it out, it’s close, probably cheap!! WHY NOT??
Stepping out of my car with all my gears, ready and happy to get rid of my dead skin, I noticed that people pay outside, some sort of a cage, where there is only room for money to pass through….I take a look inside the cage from outside of course as it was hard to see who was in there!! I noticed a woman on the floor, on her knees making “mssemen”…..this is what I should work on in my life: when I see red flags I always get curious! instead of getting the hell out of there Istick around but if I run away there wil be no blog!!!
The woman stood up with difficulties, I hand her the money, I am glad I only gave her the exact amount of money for the hammam otherwise I would have to deal with oily change that smell like Mssemen!!
Never mind, I walked inside the hammam, got rid of most of my clothes and stepped in, as everyone knows: Typical Moroccan hammams have 3 chambers! cold, warm and hot: this one was the same except that it was cold, cold and cold. it was not really that clean so I told myself let’s just suck it up and make it fast…. reaching the second room there was “something” on the floor washing himself…..yes I did say something! why? well it was a very old weird black man laying in a very weird way and COMPLETELY naked, on the open in front of everyone, something unusual to Moroccan customs, it was soo weird because for a second I though he had 3 legs but I was wrong it was his huge genital laying next to him, it was soo huge that if I was the owner of the Hammam I would have forced him to pay an extra person fee before he gets in to the bath, I didnt even know they come in that size….ANYWAYS.
As soon as I walked by the old man; he lift his both arms and made these weird sound “blawnblawnblawn” It was like some sorte of horror movie or more like a black seal, let’s just say it was not a pretty sight. I ignored him went to the 3rd cold room and flipped my bucked as there is no way in hell I am sitting on the floor, not after what I saw.
Sitting on the flipped Bucked, admiring the walls, I noticed I am starting to get the chill…I thought maybe the big door in the first “cold” room is open, I volunteered to go check it out. Passing by, the old black dude, he looked at me and AGAIN lift his arms and made that same weird noise “blawnblawnblawn” Ignored him for the second time looking to the other direction, got to the first room and noticed that the door was actually closed and there was no way for that door to stay open as they have a rope hanging from above the door and at the end of it a big cement brick hanging making a pressure down keeping the door from staying open.
Ok the door is locked, there is only one explanation! the hammam sucks! walking back to the 3rd room, I keep forgetting about “blawnblawnblawn” because he did for the 3rd times, and I got pissed and lost control! “what the fuck do you want?” he pointed at the buckets, I ignored him because of his 3rd leg, I really didnt want to be standing too much in front of him, so I walked away to go sit on my trone: The flipped bucked.
Ok what’s about to come next is just beyond what I have expected. sitting and waiting for some kind of miracle that can turn the room into a hot room, looking at the walls; I turned my face to the left and THERE: A guy around his 50’s sitting naked on the floor, his legs wide open, shaving his pubic hair with a razor! that was it! the last drop of patience was gone, the guy was doing it so fast that I thought it was a new way of committing a suicide, either it was that or the guy is an expert in shaving pubic hair, it was actually impressive of how fast he was doing it, other than that he was rinsing his razor in a plastic boll and the shaved residue had a long way before end up in the drain. I couldn’t stay there anymore, I picked my flipped bucked and gear and got the hell out of there! it was a total of 15 or 20 minutes max in there.
Was very pissed because I needed a hammam but didnt have one, the car was warmer than the hammam. Went back home and told my dad “please don’t share your hammam experience with me anymore”
End up taking a shower at home until one day someone else told me “”I know a good hammam where you can go to” this time it was my sister. As I said before, I went to check it out and something else happened there but will divulge it in another post, I dont want to traumatise you more than this.
So if you guys are looking for a good hammam “”I know a good hammam where you can go to”.